Conversation

What Does It Really Mean to Have a Conversation?

We have countless conversations every day. In fact, our ability to converse is one of the key things that sets us apart from other species. But do we truly understand and value what it means to have a conversation?

More often than not, we aren’t really having conversations—we’re just communicating.

Think about it. Sometimes, one person is talking, but they’re not interested in what the other person has to say. It’s essentially a one-way street. Even if you’re pretending to listen, you’re not truly engaging. This happens in arguments, where the other person’s perspective is dismissed outright, or in transactional exchanges, like saying, “I’ll have tea with toast.” That’s communication, but it’s practical and surface-level.

Then there’s what most people believe is an actual conversation—listening attentively, paying attention, and responding thoughtfully. This two-way communication is better, but it’s still limited. Think of the typical “How are you?” or “How was your vacation?” It’s polite, it’s engaging, but it’s not necessarily transformative. Even debates and arguments fall under this category of two-way communication.

So, what makes a real conversation?

It’s those rare moments when you’re talking to someone and you say something that surprises even you—something you didn’t know you felt or thought until the words left your mouth. It’s a space where you discover something new about yourself, about life, without fear of judgment or the need to impress or prove your worth.

A real conversation is like — an exploration where both people uncover something new, together. It’s free from ego, free from preconceived notions, and free from the urge to dominate or outshine.

To have such a conversation, you need to be fully present. You let go of your past judgments about the other person or even yourself. You don’t wear the mask of “I know it all.” Instead, you connect as though you’re meeting for the first time, with no baggage except the practical aspects of life.

This is where true humanity lies. Real conversations aren’t about exchanging information or opinions—they’re about connection, discovery. They remind us what it means to be human.

Next time you interact with someone, pay attention, are you communicating or are you having a conversation.